The State of Black Relationships: 

Marriage is a Beautiful Thing

By Anelsa

As I drove around the small Alabama town in which I live, I found myself turning the dial on my car radio.  My ears were longing a different audio stream and my brain craved intellectual stimulation.  I decided to press the AM selector button on my car radio and as I did my ears started to dance the intelligent slide and my brain did the reality hustle.  I had tuned in to talk radio and to the voice of Reverend Al Sharpton. 

The subject of the hour was an article written by an African American woman that appeared in a major newspaper in March 2006.  The article was titled “Marriage is for White People”.  The topic intrigued me as I am a single, never married over forty- something sister who has had challenges finding a good man.  As I listened to the comments of Reverend Sharpton’s callers I became more intrigued by the subject at hand.  I was anxious to get home and read the article. I wanted to read the statistics that supported her argument; I wanted to know what life experiences had turned a sister off the beautiful union of holy matrimony. 

The opinions expressed in the article indicated that black women are not as interested in marriage as they once were.  It stated that black women were at a plateau in their lives where they no longer depend on the union of marriage to provide the comfort of material things such as homes and cars.  It indicated that “sister girls” can now afford to buy the material things they desire themselves and will not commit to a marriage for the purposes of acquiring them.  It also stated that some men are so spoiled by their mothers that black women do not want to marry them because they want to neither marry nor raise a child.  Instead of marrying men who act like children, they instead get the baby from the man and walk away to raise the child physically and financially alone. 

I believe the union of marriage is a beautiful thing. The coming together of a man and woman to share their life, heart, dreams and love is something that makes this colored girl teary eyed.   In 2007 with the challenges of life in America and the affect of racism on black men and women, making a relationship work takes time and commitment.  Marriage should be about love and partnership; it should not be about material things and social status.  Marriage should be about honesty and should be built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

As I approach another birthday in a couple of weeks, I am still optimistic that I will find that special man to love and share my life.  The bad relationships I have had have not turned me off the prospect of marriage; they have rather affirmed that there is a very special man for me, just around the corner.  I believe that if we as a people are going to survive the chaos of war, economically manipulated depression, racial discrimination and other daily life situations, communication and relationships between black men and women must be reinforced.

Before you can love a person you must first respect them.  When you love a person, you will communicate with them.  When you communicate no external forces can come between you.   That is what the union of marriage should be.  That is a belief I will clench tightly in my fist until I open my hand and heart to say “I do”.   The strength of our race is dependent upon a chain that cannot be broken by any external forces. The links to that chain must start with strong black male and female relationships.  They must be the cornerstone for the family and our community.

About the Author: SisterSpeak reader Anelsa (her pen name) is a native of Apopka, Florida. Her pen name is the backward spelling of the first name of her maternal grandmother, Aslena Burdeaux Williams, her guardian, mentor, and life-long inspiration. She has been published in Vision Magazine, a trade publication for the consumer electronics industry, and was the voice of the Tigress on WOKB radio station in Orlando, Florida and worked as an announcer for radio stations in Connecticut, Florida and Virginia.

Passionate about her own roots and about the decay of the black family structure, Anelsa recorded her autobiographical memoirs and reflections in her first book, Colored Girl. Her second book, Swallows, is scheduled for release in summer 2007. She is also a much sought after public speaker who uses the podium and the pen to explore the black experience and the human experience in all of its manifest forms.

Anelsa is single and the mother of a twenty- four year old son.  She currently resides in Dothan, Alabama. 

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