MINDING OUR MENTAL HEALTH
by Tammy Lewis, SisterSpeak Online Contributing Writer
 The need to address women’s physical health is obvious as poor health and death plague our communities taking away our beloved mothers, grandmothers, aunts, friends, co- workers and associates. Statistics on illnesses such as hypertension, diabetes, cancers of the breast and ovaries, AIDS, etc. are alarming, and indicate a movement and a need towards awareness and education.
However, what often gets overlooked is mental health. Poor mental health can be impacted by poor physical health, or can conversely bring about poor lifestyle habits that lead to morbidity and ultimately mortality. Stressors in the environment such as the competing demands of motherhood with that of the wage-earner, poor relationships (spiritual, personal, professional, etc.) often leave women depressed, among other things, and unable to care for themselves in a healthy manner.
Women, we need to take care of ourselves not just physically but mentally! Did I say it loud enough?!
There are some basic things we can do to live more healthy, productive, and meaningful lives. Some of these things have been said over and over again; some simple, some not. But generally, these are a few steps we can take as women to take care ourselves, because guess what? I don’t know if you know it or not, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else--children and loved ones included.
Here's what we, you, I can do:
- “Get our spiritual house in order” – For me, that’s a relationship with God. Spirituality gives us a sense of purpose and meaning. It helps us to understand and examine ourselves for the greater purpose as we seek to understand the greater power; whatever or whoever we believe it to be. For me, belief in God also gives me a source of strength and courage that I might not ordinarily have; belief that joy will come in the morning, that all is well, that I am wonderfully and beautifully made, and that I am loved unconditionally which can be a powerful and uplifting message for a sister struggling with depression, fear, low- self-esteem, illness, abuse, etc.
- “Surround ourselves with positive people”- My Mama always said, “ Misery loves company.” As a therapist, I got my start listening to the dramas of my girlfriends (I love y'all) and often times complete strangers. This would at times leave me emotionally drained with their sagas and dramas. Set healthy limits with others and avoid people who “dump their stuff” on you and try to make their problems your problems. You have enough problems of your own! Surround yourself with people who can encourage you, coach you, pray with/for you and be supportive of you. Find mentors or people who are doing things you would like to do and network.
- “Get rid of the bags!”- Don’t put them in the back of your closet—get rid of them. What do I mean by bags? Yeah you know— dead and pointless relationships, drama, past abuses, unresolved issues in the family, or any type of pain that continues to affect and drain you of your ability to focus on who, what, and where you are and where you're trying to go. Sisters, let go of what my girls know as—“ole faithfuls”—men we keep around as our playthings to give us temporary gratification and when it’s over leave us feeling empty and played. They have no intention of commitment, and we bear the aftermath of the unnecessary drama all in the name of having a “man.” These types of relationships lead to increased low self- esteem, depression, and lord knows what else. Get rid of ‘em and in some cases—their bags too! You’re better and more deserving than this.
- “If you need help, get it!”- Sisters, you know when something is wrong with you and the people around you usually do too. Get counseling either for yourself or for the family if the problem is rooted there. Most churches offer counseling to their members and others for a nominal fee. Many counselor training centers also offer services by masters or doctoral level interns on a sliding fee scale. Join a support group. If you’re scared, ask a friend to go with you.
- Have what I call “the conversation.” - The conversation leads to a defining moment in a relationship where a change is needed either within yourself or in others. With yourself, look in the mirror naked. Start talking. Who do you see? What do you see? Do you like it? If not, why not? Really look behind your mind’s eye and be honest with yourself. It’s you you're talking to. Don’t fool yourself. What would you like to change? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to change something about yourself but be realistic. If done right, this can be profound. It has led me to tears--in a good, healing way.
- “Have fun”- Sitting at home with the kids every weekend is not going to make you feel better. I love to go dancing with my girls and “cut a rug!” Plan small get-togethers at home when the kids are asleep or at your friends’ home. Laugh! Laughter is an instant vacation. Never work hard without equal share of play. It’s just as important.
- “Treat yourself”- Get a mani and a pedi. Buy yourself a CD. Get a new haircut. Whatever it is, big or small that will make you feel good, do it (with reasonable limits, of course). Live in every moment because these moments are all we have. We’re not promised the next breath.
- “Chill out!”- Burn candles or incense, read, journal, go to the park and swing (brings back childhood memories of when life was so simple), rest, listen to music (music is my lifeline), open the windows and let the sun shine through!
Sisters, I challenge all of us to make a pledge to take care of our minds, bodies, and spirits and more importantly love one another. Pray for one another and encourage in sisterly love. The time is now.
Be blessed in the Spirit...and Mind!
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