SISTERSPEAK EXCLUSIVE: DEBUT AUTHOR LILADA GEE TALKS WITH SISTERSPEAK

ABOUT HER NEW BOOK, I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE

Part I of a 3-part Interview

SisterSpeak is pleased to present to you a deeply talented author, Lilada Gee, who has managed to pen one of the most compelling and revealing personal stories I have ever read. Her recently published book, I Can’t Live Like This Anymore, offers a raw, deeply personal, and often painfully vivid account of her struggle & triumph over childhood sexual abuse. 

Because our interview was so personal and so lengthy, we will publish it in three segments over the next several weeks. We'll notify you of new postings via our email newsletter, so be sure to sign up if you haven't already. You won't want to miss Lilada's story.

Lilada is a native of Chicago, IL but grew up in Madison, WI where she currently lives with her children. She is also the Founder & President of Women of Worth Incorporated, and a co-founder of the Nehemiah Community Development Corporation in Madison. She is also a motivational speaker and licensed social worker and minister.  The following is Part I of our interview series which chronicles our recent conversation about her new work and her personal journey back to wholeness.

--Lisa Peyton-Caire (SS)

SS: Greetings Lilada and welcome to SisterSpeak! I'd first like to thank you for taking the time to sit with us today and talk to us about your book I Can't Live Like This Anymore which was published earlier this year. Congratulations on your publishing debut, but moreso on completing this very personal work.  I had an opportunity to read the copy you sent me...and thank you by the way; and I must tell you that I was taken aback by your story. I have known you for at least 10 years; yet, upon reading your book I realized that there was a great deal I didn't know about you and would never have guessed in a million years to be a part of your life experience. I imagine that deciding to write this book, to reveal your "secret", which you said in the book caused you great shame, was a very difficult decision to make. When did you know that you needed to write this book? When did this journey begin?

Lilada: First of all Lisa, I would like to express my appreciation for this opportunity. I am honored to be featured in your magazine. I know that you have a great heart for women and I appreciate the work that you are doing through SisterSpeak. It’s also good to re-connect with you on such an important issue.

My journey of writing began several years ago. I was in the midst of ending my seven-year marriage and found myself in need of an expressive and emotional outlet. I began to communicate with a friend via e-mail, who was also at a transitional point in their life. What began as casual conversation elevated into an intimate revelation of my truest self and deepest secrets. Sometime later I went back and re-read what I had written as a three-part series entitled “The Real Me”. When I read the e-mails I was stunned by the deep honesty and revelation that I was able to convey through words. I felt like I was reading about someone else’s life. Before that point I had never thought about myself as a writer. Interestingly enough, I actually used those e-mails as the foundation of my book. Still it would be years before I would consider writing the book. I think the main impetuous for the writing the book was that I wanted to have the opportunity to reach a larger audience of women— I had seen the power of sharing my personal story with women one on one and in groups.  But I wanted to reach women that I might not ever meet, but my book would find them. I wanted to share my story of survival in hopes of inspiring women around the world to LIVE!

SS: Describe for us if you can the process that you went through, assuming that the decision came after years of inner struggle, denial, and pain? How did you muster the courage to reveal something so personal and so painful?

Lilada: The actual production of the book took me about three to four years. Most of that time I spent struggling with myself rather than actually writing. I probably have about 6 different versions of the book that I created during that time. The writing of this book was one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. Many times I wanted to walk away from this project and shred everything that I had written. I cried, I screamed, I cussed, I prayed, I cried, I screamed, I cussed, I prayed again and again. In the end it was the strength of God and my desire to use my life experiences to help others that gave me the courage to complete the work. Deep within my spirit I knew that this work was going to free countless women and those who love them.

SS: Lilada, I must say that reading the book was very difficult for me at times. I found myself in tears in more than one chapter---not simply at the thought of the gross nature of the abuse you endured, and the calculated advances of george, your stepfather…the perpetrator. But what made it even worse for me was knowing you, experiencing you as a person, and imagining that these horrible, terrible things happened to you over and over again at the most vulnerable stage of your life. How did you, as the one who experienced this horror, find the strength to cope and to persevere at such a young age?

Lilada: The simple answer is that God gave me the strength—but to someone who may be in the midst of a horrific situation in their lives may not be able to grasp that concept. To expand I’d say that I was born to survive. Even at a young age I had a knowing that I had a call on my life to do something meaningful. In the midst of my deepest despair, I held on that tiny spark that was imbedded in my soul. As I continued to hold on and fight for my life, that spark became a raging fire that burned up every obstacle in my path. I firmly believe that good can arise out of any tragic experience. God knew that if I made it out of my hell I would reach back and help other women and girls out of theirs. So what I would share with anyone who may be in their own private hell is that you can survive, you must survive so that you can help someone else to survive!

SS: readers will notice that you refer to your stepfather as "george" written in all lowercase letters consistently throughout the book. Explain this to us? 

Lilada: Using all lowercase letters for his name as I was writing was healing for me—the lowercase letters were an indication that he was now insignificant in my life.

SS: Lilada, I must say that it was very clear to me that this book was a true cleansing...a purging for you, in a very "edgy" way, as the back cover of your book describes. Your language at times conveys deep anger, and you spare no detail in chronicling the horror of your abuse.  How did you deal with these heavy emotions in writing the book? Were there times where you had to walk away and come back?  

Lilada: Yes Lisa, I was mad as hell. I had repressed my anger for most of my life. Holding it all in was killing me. What I found was that the expression of my anger was actually cleansing. Sometimes we are afraid to express anger, or think that it is wrong to express it, so we stuff it deep within ourselves. This is one of the unhealthiest actions we can take. Repressed anger does not go away. Repressed, anger destroys inwardly like an underground explosion.

And yes, at one point I put the book down for an entire year—I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. It was overwhelming and at times I felt as if I was going to die if I wrote another word. I spent a lot of time at the feet of God during that period, asking him for the strength to do what I knew that I must do. I also had a great support network of family and friends who continued to encourage me along the way. Whenever I became discouraged and wanted to give up they were right there sharing their own strength with me.

SS: How did writing this book impact your relationship with your mother, who many would say was complicit in your abuse even though this was not her intention?

Lilada: Surprisingly, it has actually helped our relationship. The closer I got to my emotions through the writing of this book, the more honest I could be with my mother about my true feelings of pain, anger, deep hurt and betrayal. The honest expression of my feelings helped to alleviate the anger and resentment that I still harbored in my heart against her. This has lead to some deep conversations between the two of us. Healing takes time though—it’s not something that you can rush. If you do, the wounds may heal on the surface, but remain unhealed on a deep level. I will share that my mother has been very supportive of my book, which I really appreciate.

Click here to read Part II of our three-part interview.

Readers, you can get a copy of Lilada's book, I Can't Live Like this Anymore! from Lilada's website at www.Lilada.com, at Amazon.com, or by contacting her offices at (608) 257-2453. Lilada is also available for workshops, seminars, retreats, lectures, or keynotes.

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