Arlether Wilson ReWrites the Script Proving Your Past Does Not Determine Your Present

Overcomes Abuse & Becomes Advocate for Survivors

by Lisa Peyton-Caire

Lisa: Arlether, welcome to SisterSpeak Online Magazine and congratulations on the completion and launch of your first book, ReWriting the Script!

Arlether: Thank you, Lisa. 

Lisa: Arlether, Rewriting the Script is a powerful story of your life and survival of a childhood laden with physical and sexual abuse which started for you at an unbelievably young age. Tell us what influenced you to write this book at this time and why.

Arlether: Our children and families are in crisis.  Look at the news, listen to your radios with an open mind and you will be compelled to agree with me.  I was abused at an early age and back then no one wanted to talk about it.  It’s 2008, and it is still seen as taboo or inappropriate to discuss such topics.  People are in denial but the numbers tell a different story.  I was blessed to rise above and conquer my past but there are so many people who are afraid to use their voice.  I wrote my story to inspire others to move beyond their comfort zones and challenge themselves to be the person that God has placed them here to be.

Lisa: Indeed. I was struck, as I know other readers must be with the candidness of your book and the sheer horror of many of the events that transpired in your life as a child—as a baby, really. As I shared with you by phone, at times your book was extremely painful to read. In fact there were points when it was unbearable. I found myself putting the book down to cry, pray, and regroup. I had to prepare myself for each new chapter and I prayed, 'Dear God, please help the children who are suffering at this moment'. I was able to complete the book only because I recognized that you are alive and well now to tell the story and that you made it through. If it was like this for me as a reader, how on earth was it for you as the person who these things happened to? How did you get through the writing of the book having to recall the grave details of the things you endured as a child and young adult? What was the writing process like?

Arlether: Lisa, the writing process was great.  It was an opportunity to create a real story that readers can relate to.  It wasn’t difficult or painful at all.  I don’t think that I could have written my story had I not taken the time to forgive and heal.  I always believed that God was looking out for me, and that sharing my journey was not all about me.

Lisa: Arlether, my heart broke over and over again for you and your brother Paul and I found myself wanting to hurt the people who were hurting you, and to strangle the persons who were told but chose to ignore your pleas for help.  Yet you say you have forgiven all who offended you. How did you manage to do this after all that was done?

Arlether: For years I lived in a cloud of sadness and anger.  By the time I turned 18, I realized I had to change my thought process.  I had a child that I had to protect and care for, so I didn’t have time to feel sorry for my self or be mad at the world.  I educated myself about sexual abuse, child abuse and abandonment.  Then I got professional help and began to turn my life around. When I was able to release the shame and love myself, forgiveness was easy.  I realized that I had to forgive myself before I could forgive those who offended me.  When I forgave them, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt like I could accomplish anything.

Lisa: As an adult I find it nearly impossible to comprehend the subversive behaviors of the many adults who were present in your life as a child. I am struck by the sheer absence of compassion, caring, and the total lack of ability of the adults around you to nurture you and your brothers---even as babies. You speak to it in your book, but for readers who have not read it yet, how do you explain how your family members---your mother, your grandmother, and others, wound up in the position that they were in? How did the cycle of abuse begin?

Arlether: My grandmother was married off at the tender age of 13.  I come from a family that accepted abuse not as the right thing for someone to do but as the norm.  It was just one of those things that happened to girls, so we weren’t supposed to cry about it.  It was difficult for my grandmother to be a young mother when she was just an inexperienced child herself.  That led to her having children who were subjected to some of the same horrors that she had endured, so the cycle just continued.  My mother gave birth to me when she was 16.  Then she was shipped away to a girl’s school, which meant I was left with family members who were not prepared to care for another child.  When my mother returned she picked up like she had never left but she was still working with the same mindset.  She began dating guys who really didn’t care about her or her children, which placed me and my brothers in a dangerous situation.  My goal was to change my family’s history and I did that with my children.

Lisa: What reactions do you get from readers as you travel the country? I know that you mentioned that many readers have responded in much the same way as I have in reading your book. Tell us about this.

Arlether: All of my readers have the same response.  At first, they are sad for me and angry at the people who hurt me.  Fortunately, all of them are able to get past those emotions and finish the book.  Then they tell me how surprised they are that I was able to remain sane and accomplish the things that I have today.  I think it’s easier for them knowing who I am today.  Most of them understand that I am not my past.  That’s important for everyone to remember.  We can’t disconnect ourselves from our past but it isn’t who we are.

Lisa: You expressed to me before that you have had to in many ways distance yourself from your family who still by and large reside in the 5th Ward. What can you share with us about this?

Arlether: I still have contact with my family.  I just cannot put myself in a situation where I can get into trouble because I am in law enforcement.  Some of my relatives don’t exactly believe in obeying the law.

Lisa: Arlether, one of the striking points your book illustrates, by God's grace of course, is the resilience of a child and of the human spirit. The incomprehensible things that you endured, the sexual abuse, the beatings at the hands of your foster parents, the constant upheaval and transitory nature of your life, the intense anxiety and psychological pressure that you endured from such a young age--the loss of two best friends to illness and violence---these things would have rendered many individuals crazy! How did you retain your resilience, your sanity—as a child--and your hope that your life would someday be different?

Arlether: Lisa, the only thing that I can say is…it was God.  I always believed that he had something greater in store for me.  For a while, I didn’t know how to begin that journey but I always prayed and had faith that I would be okay.  I was also a big day-dreamer.  Sometimes when I had to deal with an issue, I would picture myself in a more positive situation.  I also wrote down my thoughts and feelings.  Actually it was great therapy.

Lisa: From the book, I understand that there was also a teacher involved who had a tremendously profound impact on you—being only one person, but having a profound impact. Tell us about her and the power of one individual to change a life.

Arlether: She was my 4th and 5th grade teacher.  For some reason, she was able to identify with my situation and she took special interest in my life.  She gave me a book titled, “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” (by Maya Angelou).  I read that book all the time.  She also instilled the importance of education and helped me to believe in myself.  She was like my surrogate mother.  I will never forget her.

Lisa: Arlether another of the major issues your book addresses, though indirectly, is the absolute failure of the social service system to protect children from violence and abuse, even when it is blatantly obvious and supported by clear evidence. And though abuse affects all children, it is clear that African American children pay a heavy price when it happens to them because of the inequalities inherent in our system, which I know are driven by the disparities of how our children are viewed or perceived---as less worthy of honor, less worthy of protection, less worthy period. What do you believe that we as parents, community members, and advocates must do to change this, and how is the system responding now—20 years after they failed you and your brother?

Arlether: First of all we have to demand equal treatment.  Secondly, we have to come together as communities and fight for better services for our families.  We cannot afford to view this issue as “Their Problem”.  When our children are in foster care, being abused and crying out for help, it’s everyone’s problem.  Yes, there have been some improvements but our government still fails to adequately support our social service agencies.  If we want to really make changes, we must first change how we perceive these issues.

Lisa: The title of your book couldn't be more appropriate, ReWriting the Script. That is indeed what you have managed to do despite the events of your childhood and young adulthood. Tell us about your life today as a mother, law enforcement officer, and advocate for children and families.

Arlether: Today I am the mother of two college students, a veteran police officer and entrepreneur.  My children were and always will be my inspiration.  I chose the field of law enforcement because I wanted to help people who couldn’t help themselves.  The title says it all…everyone has the ability to ReWrite their Life Script if necessary.  We don’t have to follow the path that our family or society designed for us.

Lisa: We understand that you heavily influenced the creation of the Victim Services Division office in your state. Tell our readers what this office does and how it impacts children who are at risk of  abuse and neglect.

Arlether:  After being in law enforcement for a while, I wanted to do something to help the community. I developed a proposal to start a victims’ assistance program for my department.  The department administrators and our commissioners love the idea so I was given the go ahead.  Today, I work with social service agencies, law enforcement agencies and the Attorney General’s Office to help victims who have been victimized by violent crimes. 

Lisa: Arlether, as someone who has walked in the shoes, what do you see as the solution to how do we stamp out the scourge of abuse, of helplessness and hopelessness in our communities like that in the 5th Ward?

Arlether: One solution would be to improve the environment.  People refuse to see the possibility of improving their situation when all they see is crime and poverty.  We also have to invest in our poor communities.  It seems like most people do better, move away, then forget their roots. We've got to go back and replant in the communities we leave.  

Lisa: Finally, Arlether, what one message would you like readers to take away from ReWriting the Script?

Arlether: When you have faith and determination you can improve any situation.  No matter how difficult the journey becomes never give up because there is a purpose for your life...it’s up to you to discover it.

Lisa: Arlether, thank you so much for spending this time with us. I commend you for your strength and determination and know that your efforts will make a difference in the lives of many. God bless you.

Arlether: Thank you. It's been a pleasure.

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Visit Arlether's web site at www.arletherwilson.com to purchase your copy of ReWriting the Script and to learn more about how you can help in the process of healing and the fight to stop sexual abuse and all forms of abuse.

More links to see:

A Parents Guide to Protecting Children Against Sexual Abuse

7 Steps to Proctect Your Child From Sexual Abuse

Protecting Your Child From Sexual Abuse (American Psychological Association)

10 Ways You Can Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse

What to Do If You Think Your Child Has Been the Victim of Sexual Abuse

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